Dr. Cason

I was going to write about guilt today because I snapped at Bree. She was taking a loooooong time to put on her seat belt and I became impatient.

This post was supposed to be about how guilt is a useless emotion. How we all make mistakes and we shouldn’t get caught up in the little things. Just Let. It. Go. I told myself.

So I mulled it over and tried to think of some witty banter between the Breester and I. Something that illustrated the complexities of a little girl and her mother. I reminded myself that she was okay and I didn’t need to worry over her for the whole day. Not for a little comment. But no matter how hard I tried to reframe the memory, it didn’t get amusing. It just made me want to to say I was sorry. To be more patient. To give her a hug. Anything but forget about it.

It seems guilt is a powerful emotion, and not quite as useless as I thought.

As reported in Psychology Today , Baumeister, Ph.D., lead a study out of Case Western Reserve University that saw guilt

as a kind of social glue rather than a product of the individual psyche. Its roots lie in empathy, or an individual’s ability to feel the pain of others, and fear of alienation by the social group.

The reason I couldn’t let it go, is that I saw her little face- just as you see it above-innocent and a smile ready and willing. I knew she was trying.

But wait, just as I thought guilt was all good they had this to say:

Levels of guilt and self-esteem are closely related. Individuals with low self-esteem are more prone to deep feelings of guilt than those with high self-esteem.

Ah hah! Maybe this is why as I’ve gotten older I feel less guilty about things. I have a stronger sense of what is me and what I’m willing to do.

So as with most things in life, it seems that guilt in moderation can be good. Just a little bit of it and it keeps you connected and involved and working to do better. But too much of it and either you are doing some very bad things or you need to work on improving your self esteem.

Here are some things I feel guilty about:

Here are some things I don’t feel guilty about:

• Exercises completed: Sit Ups, Weight Lifting Lower Legs
• What I'm listening to: Brianna coughing and the washing machine- again.

Tags: Well-Being

4th of July was a big hit though

It has some cranky times. Sorry Jakey- Mommy had to take a photo.

Gabby spent most of her time in the pool. This was a rare moment out of the water. But then it was only seconds- notice the droplets.

Brianna loved the corn. She ate 3 pieces. Please Honey, save some for the others.

Jake was pretty delighted with the corn as well and carried it around everywhere as he watched the world go by.

Or at least a boat.

Alas there were no fireworks where we were. But Tumon Bay’s skyline was really pretty. Amazing how much beauty there is when you stay out after dark!

• Currently Reading: Happiness is a Serious Problem
• Exercises completed: Leg lifts for my left knee especially- PFS! Stretching 35 minutes on the elliptical
• What I'm grateful for: That my article is completed. I made it!

Tags: Living the Good Life, Photography

It’s late and I’m cranky because I’m still wake. I’m not an evening person. I’ll gladly take an early bedtime so I can then get up and work in the wee hours of darkness before the stirring of little kids and a rising sun.

So why am I up? Deadline. I’m writing a piece for a local magazine here in Guam about the importance of school physicals. Never mind that I haven’t made my appointments for my kids yet.

So I’m sitting here tired and contemplating making coffee. But I’m thinking it probably would backfire just as it did when I was in college and taking premed classes. I had an incredibly do or die test to take and HAD to stay up to study. So off I went to the store and bought some No-Doze- the caffeine pills and took a little too much.

Whoa did it knock me for a loop! Not only did it not allow me to stay up and study, it made me so nauseous and jittery that I abandoned the books and went to bed early! I can’t even remember how did on that test.

So no coffee.  And definitely no No Doze. I’ll have to settle for snacking on animal crackers and watching the History channel analyzing  Star Wars!- which reminds me, John bought me a mini Yoda when I was in Medical school and it sat in on every exam thereafter. I wonder where he is?

Now back to work-Ugh!

• Exercises completed: Swim
• On second thought maybe I shouldn't have said: That a July 7th deadline would work for me.
• What I'm listening to: The washing machine.

Tags: Muddling Through

When you’re a new mom and the topic of breastfeeding comes up, it can all be overwhelming! Sometimes I find the advice to be a little black and white. You need to take breastfeeding in stride.

Some of the strict advice is unrealistic, such as: “never give your baby a pacifier, never give formula, and never go more than 3 hours without pumping at work”.

I’ve seen too many moms give up entirely because they couldn’t do it the perfect way they were advised! Remember, there are no absolutes and you need to find what is best for you. Here are some things I advise my patients.

The sucking reflex is very great in some babies and if your little one wants to stay latched on every moment of the day it is okay to give them the pacifier. If you want to introduce a bottle, try doing so around two weeks to a month of age. Personally I like the two week mark but do it as long as the baby is very proficient at drinking from the breast and isn’t struggling with nipple confusion. I like parents to use pumped breast milk because some babies can get very gassy and constipated when switching between formula and breast milk.

About a month before you are going back to work start storing up milk. In the morning after some sleep, you will feel fuller so this is a good time to pump and actually get extra out.

Nurse your baby in the morning and then immediately pump out that which she didn’t take. Don’t worry if not a lot comes out, the stimulaton alone will encourage your body to make more milk. Store it in the freezer and then nurse her when the next normal time would be. Remember that the more you pump out the more your body will make. If you do this every morning you’ll have a ready supply when you return to work.

Now about pumping at work… Early on a physician friend reminded me that it was okay not to pump exactly when I would be feeding her. You can pump two hours apart particularly in the morning and get a good amount, and then later in the day go five hours without pumping. This is the schedule I worked out for myself.(This is assuming a typical 9-5 workday)

• Nurse your baby in the morning (let’s say 5 or 6 am) then pump immediately afterward for the extra.
• Then in a couple of hours go to work and pump immediately again (or pump right before you leave if you don’t have a long commute).
• Then pump at 12:00 noon when you have lunch. By now, between pumping and feeding the baby, you’ve expressed milk four times in six hours. You can then wait until 5 or 6 pm for the next feed.
• Nurse her when you get home.
• Nurse her again before her bedtime and
• Pump again before you go to sleep.

You can see this takes some dedication, but this routine has worked for me. Above all try your own schedule and trust yourself! Some people want only to nurse their baby in the morning and evening and give formula all day. This is also okay. Your body will soon adjust and make enough only for these times.

If your supply drops whether through decreased pumping or your baby goes through a growth spurt, try pumping after every time she feeds. Your body needs to be told to make more! I did this on the weekends a lot of the time.  If you’re drinking and eating then your supply will rise again by the following week. Remember that to make milk you need to be drinking 8-10 glasses of water a day, eating and sleeping.
Finally, I suggest getting a car adapter as well as a battery operated pack for your pump. You’ll be happier to pump in a car with a blanket over you rather than in a bathroom stall!

• Exercises completed: Squats, Leg lifts!
• On second thought maybe I shouldn't have said: That's why they call pediatrics veterinarian medicine!
• What I'm listening to: Sleeping children

Tags: Pediatric Advice

There’s a chewed  piece of bubble gum stuck to my foot. I’m not lying. I just noticed it. Don’t ask because I have no idea.

I also have a tattoo on said foot. My only tattoo. It means earth. It hurt. My BFF has one too.

It’s fourth of July here. Remember Guam is “Where America’s Day begins”. It’s also 9:04 am

Jake is asleep on my bed next to me. He crawled here at 6:00am, then ran off and ate some cereal and toast with John - who is now seeing post-op patients at the hospital-and crawled back with me. The covers are crumpled everywhere as he’s lying sideways. Arms splayed outward and legs akimbo. His breathing is a little fast. From the fever I think. His breathing is clear. I checked.

There are  boxes everywhere. It was last weekend’s decluttering attempt.

It’s the first time I’ve snuggled in bed and written in a long time. I love it.

I have headache from sleeping in. Time to get some coffee. I hope it hasn’t turned yet.

I wish everyone a happy and safe fourth of July. We’re taking the kids tonight to see the fireworks. First time ever! Never wanted to brave the traffic and long commute with tired babies in tow. Now we’re getting to an age where they can miss their bedtime and not dissolve into tears. I hope.

Tags: Living the Good Life

We are about to celebrate our one year anniversary here on the tiny little island of Guam and it’s really starting to feel like home. It’s funny how it takes about a year to become accustomed to a new place. Once you go through all the seasons and celebrations, you start to create new memories. And you even look forward to the little things, the things you’ll miss when you’re gone.  Like the flowering trees. They are everywhere.

This pretty tree surprised me the other day! Can you guess what it is? Oh and don’t look at me for the answer, I have no clue. Someone else out there has got to know. Dad?

Tags: Photography

How often do you sit in silence?

How often do you give eye contact?

How often do you sit in silence and make eye contact?

Lance posted Shhh…at his blog The Jungle of Life yesterday. He discussed silence and how it important it is to have in our life.  Silence gives us the opportunity to grow and understand ourselves.  I couldn’t agree more Lance.

Just before medical school I attended a workshop which was fun and a little intimidating.  One particular exercise stands out.

The leaders took about 10 people -me including- from a group of over 100 people and had us line up  side by side in front of the room. Hands by our side we all turned and faced the audience. No one was allowed to speak.The room was absolute silent.

We looked at the audience. The audience looked at us. At me.

No talking. No laughing.

We just stood and looked. At strangers.

After a while people started to shift around. Some started to laugh right out loud and some just stood there.

What did I do?

I cried.

I couldn’t stop.  All my insecurities came bubbling to the surface. I never realized how much I covered up my fear with my nonstop chattering. When you took all that away. I was just me.

The lingering silence just kept on going. The longer I stood there the more I really looked at the audience. Some of them were also having a hard time. As I slowly realized they were just like me, I  stopped crying and a gentle peaceful feeling washed over me. This simple act of standing quietly and just observing had taught me more than any self-help book I had ever read.

Now I watch the children who come in my office.

They stand there waiting.

Silent. Looking up at me.

And I feel their vulnerability.

They too are just like me.

Tags: Well-Being

Yeah!!!

I’m excited to say that I am guest posting over at Halushki today. Please go by and visit.  You’ll find out what happened at my latest visit to my hairdresser and how I survived a flashback to medical school.

And while you’re there, stroll around the site. I think you’ll find it just as entertaining as I do.

When you’re done come back and see me!

I want to know- Have you done any guest posting? I had a hard time picking a subject and then it took me, no kidding, FOREVER to do because I kept revising it. I certainly don’t want her readers to be disappointed or for her blog to take a nose dive all because her week of guest posts started with me!

God help me. This is worse stress than getting my hair done!

Tags: Guest Post

Simple and elegant. That’s how I like to cook. Ha! Who am I kidding! It’s usually messy and rushed but with Jake’s new diet we have been eating a lot less packaged goods. Here’s a spur of the moment dish that has already become a favorite of the family! I served it with breakfast but you can easily serve it for dinner or dessert.

Oranges. Bananas.

Drizzle with honey and sprinkle with cinnamon.

Now that’s easy!

Tags: Breakfast, Dairy Free Recipes, Desserts, Egg Free Recipes, Wheat Free Recipes

I’ve always loved the simple beauty of black and white photos. I first took this picture of my son and played around with the temperature and tint, sharpened it and added some contrast and brightness. I like the shot but mostly for the closeness and not necessarily the color composition so I thought it might be nice as a black and white.

Since I don’t know much about Photoshop and color conversion to black and white, I surfed the web looking for a site. There’s a lot out there to choose from but I found digital Photography School very helpful. Using their How to Convert Color Digital Images to Black and White Ones tutorial I was able to convert the color image to the black and white as seen below. I used the channel mixer option because I thought it was the easiest for a beginner such as myself. I stayed with the simple R:70% G:30% and B:5% as suggested by the author. They had other suggestions to make the image even better but honestly I couldn’t do it because Jacob had woken up from his nap and was crawling in my lap intent on seeing the baby in the computer. So I just played a bit with contrast, brightening and sharpening and called it a day.

I like the final result but I think of myself as more of a color girl than black and white. What about you? Which do you prefer? The color or b&w photo of Jacob? Do you ever shoot in black and white or convert it post production? If you do convert them, which method is your favorite?

• Currently Reading: Time after Time

Tags: Photography, Photoshop