The Value of Old and New Friendships
Posted by Dr. Cason on Monday, June 2nd, 2008
I’ve been thinking about friendships a lot lately. Summer is almost here and my fellow Navy families here in Guam are moving in droves! Every time we turn around someone is hugging and crying. When you’re with the military and are uprooted on average every three years it’s easy to feel disconnected. The way you get reconnected is to keep up with those friendships across time and distance and just as important is reaching out and making new friends.
Sometimes, it’s hard to make friends though. For me friendship is almost instantaneous, but not so with others, they need time and trust to open up. Is Seinfeld right when he said at some point you just stop taking applications? Not for me. I’m not living in my small town where I was raised. I don’t have people next to me who have known me for 30 years. I start over so many times it hurts. But with each new friendship, I discover new interests, new families. And my life is richer than ever. It’s not hard to find a friend. They are everywhere, just ask my husband.
He’s from the south and soooo easy to be friends with! He forgives the lapses in time and effort. He assumes we all have been busy and takes very little personal. And even when it is personal he figures that they were just working through something and he’s there to come back to. I love this about him. When he says “friend”, it could easily be someone he’s worked with for only three weeks. They are not a “colleague” or an “acquaintance” or “co-worker” They are his friend.
The older I get, the more I am grateful for my friends, new and old. I am particularly grateful for the couple of close friends that kept me in their lives through the hectic days of medical school and residency and even the early years in San Diego. I can’t believe they stuck around when I didn’t return their emails or calls. I was a little self absorbed and a little exhausted and not a good friend.
There is always the opportunity to make new friends and rediscover old friends. I now take the time to reach out and make friends as well as reciprocate. I don’t do it out of obligation. I want to do this. It makes me feel good. My heart is fuller because of my friends.
• What do you think? Do we value friendships more or less as we get older? Have you changed?
• Do you make new friends? Have you used Facebook and other social networking sites to keep in touch? What about blogging? Does it add friendship to your life?
• Do you have an opportunity to reconnect with someone? Try Facebook and let me know how it worked out!
Filed in How to be a Happier Parent, Self Improvement |
Barbara Swaffordon 02 Jun 2008 at 4:41 pm 1Hi Dr. Cason,
I love my old and dear friends. They are like part of an extended family. Whether they live down the street or thousands of miles away, when we talk, we pick up where we left off. It’s such an awesome feeling. We will always be there for each other.
I do think we have to cultivate friendships. They can’t be a one way street. Age makes friendships even more special
With blogging I have made many new friends. We’ll probably never meet, but if I see (read) they are in need of a word of encouragement, I’ll take the time to drop them an email or leave a comment on their site stating I’m thinking and/or praying for them. And, if fellow bloggers hit a milestone, I always try to let them know how proud I am of them and give them kudos.
Military life can’t be easy, but it’s great that you make friends easily. I’m sure many look to you for encouragement and support.
Your husband sounds like real cool guy. You’ve got yourself a keeper.
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..Those Are Fighting Words
tiffon 02 Jun 2008 at 10:11 pm 2I don’t make friends easily but the ones I do make I hold close. I have a handful of really good people in my life and yes, you do have to work at keeping up connections.
I love blogging because it opens up a whole new world and new friendships too. I live in a tiny community in rural NSW, Australia and I don’t get out much so to have such lovely people from all different parts of the world who reach out, uplift and support you, and to know you can do the same thing back is really pretty special.
tiffs last blog post..Weekly Winners, limping it in edition.
Awesome Momon 03 Jun 2008 at 12:03 am 3This is particularly timely for me since we were just uprooted thanks to the military. This move was the hardest one yet. It was my first with kids which complicated things in so many ways. It was so hard to have to leave the doctors, nurses and physical therapist that cared for my eldest son through a very tough and scary time in his life. My kids also helped me become close with other moms with kids the same ages as mine. I will miss thier friendship and comiseration. At the same time I know that my kids will help open up the doors to new friendships. It is so much easier for me to find excuses to hang out now that I have kids to ease the way. I was rather shy pre kids, so mine have really helped me open up.
Blogging has made me several great friendships, but I still have to have people that I can meet face to face to hang out with. There is something special about being able to see your friend’s face and reading thier body launguage that just can’t be replaced by emails and blog posts.
Now that I am older I think that I value friendship a lot more. It is so reassuring to comiserate with other mothers and find out that you are not nutty or alone in being frustrated by stages that your kids are going through. I have also learned to makefriends more quickly. When you move every few years you don’t have the time to slowly let friendships develop. You have to hit the ground running and get involved right away.
Guinevere Meadowon 03 Jun 2008 at 12:57 am 4I remember a song I learned in girl scouts: “Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold. A circle is round, it has no end, that’s how long I want to be your friend.”
I grew up in a military family (air force,) and I remember the frequent moving. It’s hard to keep pulling up your roots and transplanting, but I too have found that my life is so much richer with every new friendship I make.
Guinevere Meadows last blog post..Magnetic Monday: Experiment With a Psychedelic Masterpiece
White Hot Magikon 03 Jun 2008 at 7:24 am 5I think I may lean more towards your husband sense of friendship. I am honestly interested in what other people are up too, what they think etc. even if I haven’t seen them in many years. This last year has been the year of reconnecting. I have moved back to my small hometown, have facebook and myspace accounts and it seems like constantly catching up with people I love it. I notice others resist and don’t really want to “catch” up.
White Hot Magiks last blog post..Friday’s Frugal Find & Sour Cream Enchiladas
Dr. Casonon 03 Jun 2008 at 8:25 am 6Barbara-
The military is hard but I’ve learned to open up and not be so private. it can be lonely living in our tight little world.
Tiff-
I think you make friends easier than you think. Already you have made me feel better that there is a few people rattling around and reading what I’m writing. That’s what friends do, support and encourage. And you do a great job of that.
Awesome-
“…hit the ground running.” Boy isn’t that the truth. It’s hard to start over isn’t it but I’ve learned that you can enjoy someone’s company and slowly get to know them more. But it does take effort.
Guin-
Do you regret moving as a kid? I worry about my kids each time we go or they see someone move. My kids sometimes in the middle of a conversation or car ride cry out that they miss someone. It breaks my heart.
Magik-
I notice that some people resist as well. I don’t understand that. It must just be easier to keep believing that it doesn’t matter. But it does.
Alesiaon 04 Jun 2008 at 1:56 am 7Sheila,
Thanks for your offer of help in your comment on my last post. We’ve scheduled my mother to meet with a pulmonary specialist at Mass General next month. I feel confident that this is the right move — I think they see this kind of thing (probably pulmonary fibrosis) 200 times a day, which is reassuring. When we have more information, we’ll have to make some big decisions, but we’re taking it one step at a time.
Thanks again.
Alesia
Kellion 04 Jun 2008 at 10:38 pm 8I’ve always loved the “idea” of friends, but now that I’m an adult, friendship is very real to me. I feel the same way one of your readers felt…our friends are an extended part of our family.
Im very friendly, so I meet people easily and strike up conversation. But being a part of my inner circle requires time and effort. I dont respond well to people walking randomly in and out of my life, so I hold those who I know are friends forever very closely.
Kellis last blog post..Comes by hearing….
Nikkion 27 Oct 2008 at 8:01 am 9This one is also a goodie! There are many many good ones though!!