Oh No! My Girl has Mrs X as her Teacher!
Posted by Dr. Cason on Tuesday, August 26th, 2008
Little Miss Blue Eyes starts first grade tomorrow. I saw the class list today. She has Mrs. X.
My heart sank a little. You see I was warned that Mrs. X is strict. In fact a lot of people requested that their child NOT be in her classroom. I didn’t. I waited to see how it would work out. Maybe she won’t get her, I rationalized and then what happened? Yep she got her. And now I just have to wait. And see. Unless she’s not learning I won’t move her. It has to be pretty dramatic to get her out of the class now.
Is that terrible? Should I have called and ensured she got the VERY best? Doesn’t she deserve it? Call me crazy but I don’t try to overly micromanage my kids opportunities. Just because she a doctor’s daughter doesn’t mean she goes to private school and takes private lessons. In the end I feel that it’s simply not necessary. In fact, the more and more I run around other doctor’s kids, I wonder whether having all the very best opportunities just might be a barrier to a child’s happiness. So much as we try to give our kids the BEST, it rarely turns out like we think it would. They get what they need for better or worse.
I am concerned about her academic achievements but I know deep in my heart that having that A and being the top student is not absolutely critical to her well being. Is there such a thing as Best Teacher=Best Grades=Best Life? I don’t think so. In fact I met so many people in medical school that valued achievements over just plain goodness that I couldn’t imagine how they were going to be good doctors.
Maybe this strict teacher will be good for my Little Miss Blue Eyes or maybe not. Maybe we’ll have to sit down and work through some things. For now I will teach her to
- Show up on time
- Be present physically and mentally
- Listen with your ears and not your mouth
- Try your best
- Be respectful
It’s how I was taught and in the end it worked for me.
Who knows Mrs. X just might be that best thing that ever happened to her!
Filed in My Life | 28 responses so far
Nikkion 26 Aug 2008 at 2:46 pm 1I’m glad to hear that your not “that Mom” you know the one that has to have EVERYTHING just perfect for their little girl and if it’s not than there will be hell to pay. I learnt at a very young age that you can’t always get what you want. Hell you can’t always get what you need, but it you work hard than you can make it.
Don’t get me wrong I want the best for Danger, but nothing in life will be handed to her that’s for sure. I used to manage a restaurant and most of my employee’s were between the ages of 15 and 18 and let me tell you the kids that come in with everything handed to them, the ones who’s mom’s would call in sick for them, those are the kids who were pretty much useless with no work ethic. Danger will not be that kid!
Kristinon 26 Aug 2008 at 3:36 pm 2I got the dreaded teacher in 8th grade – the one that was mean. No one liked her, she was very strict, wouldn’t bend on anything and she even kicked kids out of class if she didn’t like their clothing. I begged my mother to get me out of that class. My mother didn’t bend either. I was stuck.
She was my best teacher ever. My sister got this woman 6 years later. She hadn’t changed and neither had her class. My sister agrees – best teacher ever.
This woman just didn’t take any crap and we got a lot covered each day. She was an excellent example and an excellent teacher – but you would have never known that from all of the panic that others made about getting her as a teacher.
I hope your daughter learns a lot from her new teacher.
Kristins last blog post..Kitchen Aid Mixer
Annie Andersonon 26 Aug 2008 at 4:31 pm 3Dr. Cason,
I know what you mean! I don’t want to micromanage my kids either. Something similar happened to my son last year. He got a teacher he just wasn’t compatible with. The teacher tried to blame my son, saying the work was too “challenging” for him.
But it wasn’t. We urged the principal to put him in another class and he did just fine. I hope your daughter’s experience with this teacher is a good one. And you know, just because she’s “strict” to other people, doesn’t mean your child will think so. It could be just what she needs.
As you know, only time will tell.
Wishing her the best of luck! First grade is so fun. All 3 of my kids who are beyond that, enjoyed it a lot. Only one more to go!
~ Annie
Dr. Casonon 26 Aug 2008 at 8:18 pm 4Nikki- I stil feel they are spoiled when it comes to everything else. i just try to temper it!
Annie- You’re right. I will definitely keep an eye on her. I actually went in today to talk with the guidance counselor. Not in. So we will start tomorrow and just wait and see.
Lanceon 26 Aug 2008 at 8:35 pm 5You never know how things might work out. So, I like your attitude – this could be the best thing that happens. And if it isn’t, then it isn’t. But I think we can go into every situation and learn something.
We have never “requested” teachers for our kids. And we know several people who have. And the truth is – everything has worked out fine. In fact, I recall one teacher we had and our heart sank too when finding out we’d have this teacher. It ended up being the best thing for our son at the time, and she really helped him control his behavior.
Anyway, good luck in the upcoming school year. May it be one filled with much learning and pleasant surprises for Little Miss Blue Eyes.
Lances last blog post..What Are We Missing?
Sara Rosson 26 Aug 2008 at 10:28 pm 6I would do the same thing. I like to make my own opinions on situations like this.
Just because the other parents are friends or acquaintances, doesn’t mean you have the same parenting style or believes that they do.
I would ride it out. If it gets to be a problem, or like you said she is not learning, then that would warrent a conversation with the school.
It sounds like if you ever said anything, it is not like they would be surprised!
Good luck.
Amy Wrighton 26 Aug 2008 at 11:18 pm 7I kind of figure that teachers become teachers for a reason. It’s usually because they love kids and have something to offer them. I bet that she loves kids and has something to offer Little Miss Blue Eyes. I’m excited to hear how her first week goes!
Alesiaon 26 Aug 2008 at 11:46 pm 8I feel the same way about my son’s 2nd grade teacher. I met her yesterday and she’s a bit of an iceberg. But like you, I’m keeping my hands off and my mouth shut. He’ll be fine. He’ll have to deal with all sorts of people throughout life. And who knows? He may end up really liking her.
Ritaon 27 Aug 2008 at 12:49 am 9Dr. Cason,
As a teacher, I can tell you that you did the ABSOLUTE CORRECT THING in not requesting a change of teacher for your sweetie. Occasionally, particulary in the early grades, you get a lot of “newer” teachers who learn little about “classroom management” skills, structure and routine. (Children need boundaries, and occasionally a teacher is viewed as “mean” for setting them.)
First graders need ALL of those things to succeed – both academically and in life! Also, as Alesia states, your daughter may adore her new teacher.
You have taught your daughter a wonderful lesson about experiencing new things. They are HER experiences, not the experiences of others.
But please, monitor her behavior. If she seems unduly sad or untalkative about school after 10 school days, visit the teacher. Get your own sense of the situation. You can always request a different class for your child, and after 22 years of teaching, I have NEVER heard a reasonable request for a transfer denied.
Please – let us know how Little Miss Blue Eyes – AND mom – survive the first day of first grade. The journey has begun!
Rita
Oops – as of this week, 23 years!
Ritas last blog post..Love Letters…
Kathleenon 27 Aug 2008 at 12:58 am 10Good going Sheila. One of the most valuable lessons we learn growing up is we need to be flexible – able to fit in and understand all types of people. My youngest son is the best at this. He can work at hard labor with a very uneducated person and admire and respect this person, or he can be in a room with a famous musician or professor and fit it just the same. This personality trait has opened so many doors for him along the way. He gets “recruited” as a band director rather than applying for the positions because of his musical skills, but also because of this personality trait.
I bet this will turn out to be the best teacher yet for Little Miss Blue Eyes!
Lisaon 27 Aug 2008 at 1:24 am 11I kind of resent the ability to ‘request’ a teacher. It’s usually the stay at home moms and PTA presidents who know everyone and fill up the good teachers class. Then the single moms/working moms get the less popular teacher. It creates these kind of cliques and classes that seem skewed. You have super class with 500 hundred volunteers and donations (public funding just isn’t enough) and a class full of busy working parents who can afford/can’t get time off. At least from my experience in SOCal……It should be left to the school not the parents.
Lisas last blog post..A little friendly competition
Marelisaon 27 Aug 2008 at 1:35 am 12When I was researching my article on the slow movement I came across a video on TED.com of Carl Honoré where among other things he explained that kids were getting to Harvard with every extracurricular activity imaginable under their belt, but with absolutely no “spark” or creativity. A lot of them were practically drones. This comes from a lifetime of being chauffeured by helicopter parents from one activity to another and having no time to play, goof around, and just be themselves. So I think it’s great that you’re not a helicopter parent. I have a feeling that when I have a child someday I’m going to have to seriously fight “helicopter” impulses. That being said, I hope that “strict” doesn’t mean that Mrs. X insists on things being done 100% her way and that there is only one right answer–hers–to everything, because that squelches creativity as well. I hope your daughter has a great first day of school!
Marelisas last blog post..Stress Management: 25 Ways to Relieve Stress
Cath Lawsonon 27 Aug 2008 at 2:16 am 13Hi Dr Cason – I’m sure she’ll be fine. Those folk who requested not to have that teacher are probably of the sheep type mentality anyway.
As you said – strict is often a good thing. Being strict is far better than being lax, or mean.
I’m totally with you on not sending her to private school. I pulled my son out of private school this year. They had this kind of networking group that you had to pay towards each month and the contacts would benefit you when you left school. But I want my children to get ahead based on what they can do – not who they know.
Writer Dadon 27 Aug 2008 at 2:48 am 14Hi Dr.,
We don’t know who our daughter is going to get in class and we won’t find out next week. My wife has been a teacher for twenty years, but we did not request who we wanted (though of course we have our preference). It’s important to show confidence in the entire team of teachers. As a side note, we are hoping for the teacher that’s a bit more strict. Rita’s correct. Children need the boundaries, especially our little girl who too often uses her charm to maneuver through life.
Dr. Casonon 27 Aug 2008 at 5:02 am 15Lance- That makes me feel better! I still am a little nervous- tick tock she’s still asleep right now. Almost time!
Sara- That’s true we all have different parenting styles. I asked Blue Eyes yesterday if I was strict and she said OH YES! LOL!
Amy- I am too! That’ll be tomorrow’s post!
Alesia- Oh I’ll be interested in seeing how it goes with him as well!
Rita- Thanks for the advice I really was curious to see what you ans Chris had to say! 10 days. That soon? Okay I’ll keep a close eye these next couple of weeks.
Kat- That’s it! That’s what I was trying to get at. All the skills in the world won’t help her if she can’t adapt to new situations.
Lisa- Last year I experienced that when the PTO knew things and it seemed not everything was communicated to the parents. I work and still try hard to stay involved but it gets tough. I asked how I could see the school (a new one was built) since the were having tours in the middle of the days and what did the working parents do? It seems no one had really though of this.
Marelisa- My husband called me a helicopter parent once. I think I do hover but usually in my mind. I try to squelch the urge to overly control things.
Cath- Oh thank you for saying that because I usually get a weird look from some parents when I tell them that my kids go to the child development center on base and the DODEA schools.
Writer- “It’s important to show confidence in the entire team of teachers.” I think I’m going to just follow you around. Take the clip of what you just said and then point back at you- Um, Yeah Like he said..Me too! It’s easier and you say exactly what I mean anyway.
Melissa Lagerquiston 27 Aug 2008 at 6:15 am 16Funny, how perspectives change. When I was growing up, having “strict parents” was a bad thing. Now, I would call it “responsible parenting”!
I don’t coddle my child at home, why should it be different at school? Too many parents these days try to protect there kids from EVERTHING. I don’t know about you, but I don’t plan on following my kids to college or to their first job, so they better start learning how to navigate their way through life now, while I’m nearby to soothe tears and give hugs.
Give me the strict teacher over the “fun” one any day!
Chrison 27 Aug 2008 at 6:17 am 17As an educator, be thankful that your daughter has Mrs. X.
Chriss last blog post..Rock Bottom
From the Back Deckon 27 Aug 2008 at 6:18 am 18There’s two kinds of “dreaded” teachers – The first kind is the strict- no nonsense teacher who doesn’t take any crap from kids or parents(pardon my language). With those kinds of “dreaded” teachers, kids are apt to learn and thrive, and as some of your members, say become their best teachers ever. (Congratulations, teachers). The second type is the one who cannot teach her/his way out of a paper bag. That is the most serious to deal with. Now, if your child is bright and confident and makes connections easily, the child is likely to sail through the year without being seriously impacted. In fact, the child will likely learn something about flexibility, acceptance, perserverence, etc., all qualities you want to support. What you need to look out for, however, is if you have an average achieving child or someone who is more concrete, someone who needs information connected in a systematic, logically sequenced manner. (Now, I’m not talking about a child who is low cognitive, just a normal kid who needs things presented logically). There is so much foundation that needs to be developed in these primary years that a loss of a year at that stage can be monumental. So, parents, watch closely. Ask yourself first what type of “dreaded” teacher, type A or type B, and if type B then what type of child you have – can they weather a not so great teacher? Are you the type of parent who can support their learning at home? Are you willing to provide a tutor if necessary? Lots more questions to consider.
kcinnovaon 27 Aug 2008 at 8:00 am 19I’ve done both: asked for specific teachers and not asked. When I have asked, it’s because of learning styles & personalities. Most of the time, I don’t ask, and the year is usually fine. Not perfect, but fine.
This year, (my youngest son is entering 3rd grade) I did not ask for a specific teacher. His best friend has moved (by request) to a different classroom, because of his mother’s perceived personality conflict with the teacher.
I think your list of how to get along in the classroom will get us ALL successfully through life!
Guinevere Meadowon 27 Aug 2008 at 11:24 am 20As a teacher, I would suggest that you approach the other teachers at the school and get their opinions on Mrs. X. Just as people who are not doctors will not understand the ins and outs of YOUR job, many parents may hear the word “strict” and think “scary screaming lady” when in fact, a teacher is just well structured and has high expectations for her students.
Any teacher who is worth her (or his) salt should be more than willing to work with you to ensure that your child has the best education possible.
Guinevere Meadows last blog post..What Happens When…?
Nell Maloneon 27 Aug 2008 at 12:24 pm 21I think (for what it’s worth – and keep in mind that I have absolutely no experience with this whatsoever) that you did the right thing.
Mrs. X may have a reputation for being strict, but if she’s strict and reasonable, that may be OK. And Mrs. X will have no reason to be contrary because you’re already teaching your little one the really important things:
* Show up on time
* Be present physically and mentally
* Listen with your ears and not your mouth
* Try your best
* Be respectful
I had a “Mrs. X” when I was in 5th grade, and the year was rather uneventful. And Ms. Tracey turned out not to be the dreadful being carved from the same cloth as that of which monsters are made.
Who knows? Little Miss Blue Eyes may come home with rave reviews.
I have my fingers crossed for you both!
Best of luck tomorrow!
much love,
n
Nell Malones last blog post.."We"
Kat Stephensonon 27 Aug 2008 at 12:36 pm 22Okay Sheila, we need an update. How was Little Miss Blue Eyes’ first day at school. I bet she was excited and talking a mile a minute when she got home. I can remember my two sons’ first days. It was so much fun to see their excitement at this new stage in their little lives.
Oh, BTW, my twin grandsons’ 1st birthday is this coming Saturday. I can hardly believe these two are almost 1 year old. I am so glad I am getting to experience the lives of twins firsthad through Jesse and Luke. It must be wonderful to have a twin!
Kat Stephensons last blog post..The World Sounds Better for Some Reason
tiffon 27 Aug 2008 at 1:32 pm 23I think you did the right thing. Mrs X could be good for your blue eyed girl. You just don’t know until you give her a go.
One of my girls has Mrs X this year and she has really thrived with the strict routine and the command of respect.
tiffs last blog post..Hospitals smell funny at 1am…
Barbara Swaffordon 27 Aug 2008 at 4:47 pm 24Hi Dr. Cason,
I had a Mrs. X for a teacher, and to this day, I still think of her as one of the best teachers I ever had. I learned a lot from being in her class.
Your daughter will do great. She has a fabulous mom to teach her. Mrs. X will fill in the rest.
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..Parties, Spam and Hanging Chads
Dr. Casonon 27 Aug 2008 at 10:34 pm 25Hi everyone- Busy day- check out the latest post for details-and I’m all out of steam! I’ll respond to each one tomorrow! Thanks so much for stopping by and letting me know how you all did so well with your own Mrs. X! Now you have me hoping she’s as strict as they say!
Dr. Casonon 28 Aug 2008 at 5:30 am 26Melissa- LOL! Yes they have to start some day huh?
Chris- She gets a little rambunctious. I’m hoping this will be good for her!
Back deck- True! I was a little of the latter one for a long time and didn’t thrive academically until college.
Kcinnova- That’s what I’m hoping for!
Guin- I did actually call her kindergarten teacher from last year and check it out. She said she thought my girl would do well and suggested waiting to see out she did!
Nell- She came flying home saying she had a great day! It was really cute!
Kat- It’s great really! Happy birthday to them!!
tiff- How are you doing?? Did you get my email?
Barbara- That what I’m hoping for!
It was great to hear so many positive reviews on their teachers. I had a couple that really stand out and seriously would not be where I am today without them! Teachers deserve so much respect!
White Hot Magikon 28 Aug 2008 at 1:07 pm 27I know I already posted about it but I really succumbed to the peer pressure of choosing. I didn’t choose most popular necessarily but still made choices. In general that wasn’t something done for me as a child and we had to make the best out of situations, my mom was watchful and did step in when necessary but she didn’t try to keep us away from challenges. I bet your daughter will do great.
White Hot Magiks last blog post..Prepping them for adulthood
Elizabethon 29 Aug 2008 at 1:54 pm 28“So much as we try to give our kids the BEST, it rarely turns out like we think it would.”
I’ve had that experience recently myself. After I got over it (it was totally MY letdown and not my daughter’s) I told myself that so long as SHE does her best then everything will be just fine. And then I reminded myself of that. Often.
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